you be the editor

Ooops, here’s another variation on first go and the final appearance in The Walk Home.

in the small hours
thunder growls between
my husband’s snores

The above was on Twitter a few days back. Whereas, I should have put the book’s version:

in the small hours
between my husband’s snores
thunder growls

The deciding issue with editor Kim Richardson (see books page) was that dangling word ‘between’ which really does belong with my husband. And his snores. And to move ‘between’ down would leave ‘thunder growls’ rather too starkly short, with a very long final line. So the new version has the classic haiku shape; not that we worry so much about strict haiku rules anymore. What’s more important is the little surprise or twist of the final line. After all, following ‘between my husband’s snores’ instead of my haiku moment of thunder it could be: ‘I snatch some sleep’ ‘I sigh’ ‘I poke him in the ribs’ ‘silence reigns’ or… go on, you do one.

Today’s haiku on Twitter — well I just did not have a photo to fit. You just had to be there. Which is, after all, the point of haiku.

full moon
we walk the night meadow
white grass either side

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